The Pre-Conditioning

Who would have guessed, but life has a habit of throwing a few wobbly moments:

These are my thoughts prior to the main event…

5 May near Billingshurst
Have just had a phone call from the hospital to say ‘would I like to come in tonight?’ Do they not realise this is my last night of freedom and am so enjoying being with Zig, the boys, roast dinner and red wine!! Anyone would of thought, by the way they sounded, they were offering me another nights stay free of charge at Sandy Lane!!!!xxxx

6 May • with Guy Lupton at St Richards Fernhurst Centre.
Morning! The bit I was dreading is now done!! The line is in!! Bloody painful! Arm is numb! Thank you everyone for all your support! Going to shut up for a bit, as off to X-ray!! Xxx

6 May near Lavant
My friend Shelly gave me a bag of presents, one for each day I am here, which is 10!! I do hope she realises I will be in Southampton next for 6 weeks!! My present today was the most gorgeous room spray! The smell of disinfectant is already a distant memory Shelly, thank you xxx

7 May near Lavant
Well I have never been woken up like that before!! – 4 blood tests!! Morning All!

7 May near Lavant
Have decided that there is no point in me putting on makeup everyday as have already got it over my new white dressing gown! So had the bright idea to tan my face in the dark before bed!! This morning I look fresh out of the cast of TOWIE! ‘ you can take the girl out of Essex, but you can’t take the Essex out of the girl!!!!

9 May near Lavant
Awful night! Feel like complete shite!!! Couldn’t sleep and then at 4am the fire alarm goes off, I think just a test and then realise they wouldn’t test in the middle of the night!! So I pull myself out of bed and the only thing I can think of is get your Victoria Beckham handbag and your new pot of Clarins day cream! So when the nurse arrives, she finds me sat on the edge of the bed, slippers, dressing gown and vb resplendent on lap! False alarm!! But as you can see I still have my priorities in check!!

10 May near Lavant
My sis has arrived with goodies!!!

12 May near Lavant
How excited was I tonight!!! After a shit day! Won’t go into detail, but this is mentally and physically the toughest thing I have ever done!!! Zig arrives and as I am not eating the hospital food, the smell makes me heave! He suggests takeaway pizza!! And the ‘Sister’, agrees for me to go with him in the car!!!! I nearly sprinted to my room to get my coat, so all bundled up with wristband and tubes poking out, I am off to papa Johns!! Where we have already phoned through for The Works along with jalapeño bites! We return and set ourselves up either side of my hospital table for our sumptuous meal 4 two and then all washed down with water and a couple of anti sickness drugs!! Perfect night out!!

14 May near Lavant
They can’t see any leukemic cells under the microscope!!! YES!! First step nearly completed!!!!

15 May near Lavant
Haven’t got the hospital etiquette quite right yet!!!! I have spent most of the morning in my ‘en suite’, and eventually a nurse knocked on the door (as she needed to stick a few drips in)! And said ‘Lucy are you all right? And since the night before I had been crowned the most glamorous chemo patient they had ever had!! My reply was ‘yep fine, but the whole of St Richards is falling out of my arse!!’ Silence!!! I think the correct terminology is ‘I am experiencing a bowel movement!!!
the mask

15 May near Lavant
My discharge papers are being completed!!!! 2 more chemos and I go home tomorrow for weekend!!! Anyone would of thought I was going on a Caribbean cruise!!!! Am already packed!!!

16 May near Lavant
Fuck it, have been ready to go home since 10am but have been feeling dodgy all day and now – BOOM – the infection they have all said would be inevitable is here! Now not going home and am off for chest x-Ray in an hour after my intravenous antibiotics have all dripped in! Bollocks

18 May near Lavant
I’M BACK!! Thank you everyone for your support and kindness!! Temperature gone and thank god for drugs!!!! Was very scary, but now feel better!! So sorry if you thought you were going to have a quiet day without me, wrong!! By the way ‘there are 34 ceiling tiles in my room!!!
im back

18 May near Lavant
Guess where I’ve been???
where ive been

21 May near Lavant
Today I am going home!!! Have known for a couple of days, but have not opened my gob (a first) as we know what happened last time!!! Am not discharged yet!! On the annoying side, my hair is falling out and although you, think, you have prepared yourself, when it actually happens it is fairly shocking!! I first was aware of it whilst painting my nails and had hair stuck to them!!! But that is a small price to pay, for my life!! Just hope when it’s all gone, I haven’t got a strange shaped head!!!! Thanks everyone for your support and little messages!!!

21 May in Billingshurst

Home!!! Thank you soooo much Lucy Sawyer for sorting my hair, or should I say lack of it!!!

21 May near Billingshurst
Thanks everyone for being soooo kind and generous, but just to let you know, I can’t have flowers or alcohol! Lots of love xxx

22 May near Billingshurst
Omg hasn’t my hair grown!!!
omg hair grow

25 May – St Richards Hospital. Accident & Emergency
Was missing hospital sooo much! Now back in A&E!!

26 May near Lavant
I feel like and look like a prisoner of war!! The only room they could find at midnight was on the Acute Cardio Department (heart intensive care) the room is huge and looks like an old fashioned classroom, with a tiny clinical bed in the middle along with spotlight directly over! I keep thinking the Gastapo are going to arrive and say ‘vee vill make you talk’! Have gone from Upper back to Economy!! NO ensuite, television, wifi or roller blinds all have been replaced by commode, heart monitors, nasty picture, Lino they is worn out and sheets at windows with only 4 hooks each to hang them!!!! That will teach me not to go home, once a bed becomes available on Graffham ward, I am going to check in for a month!!!! Enjoy bank holiday!

27 May near Lavant

Am back in upper class!!!

28 May near Lavant
Back on Graffham ward, with en suite, true saying ‘you never know how much you will miss something until it’s gone’!! Except for my toilet roll holder!!! It is the same as you find in Sainsbury’s and McDonald’s!! Today my mission is to get hold of the key to get the roll out under my control!! At the mo I have to stretch across and stuff my hand up and push it round a few times to find out which way it is flowing and then when I finally get the end, a slight pull and ONE square ends up in your hand! So you try again (going the wrong way) in sheer frustration I dig my nails through the middle, ending with a few bits in my hand!!!! Once key is found I will be making a neat, ready to ‘Go’ pile!!

29 May near Lavant
YES, have been given permission (this time) to go shopping!!!! So excited!! Xx

30 May near Lavant
AGAIN, believed I was going home!! So at 4oclock when everyone was leaving for the weekend, I went in my room and cried!! Then rang zig and cried and ranted down the phone about how I hate it in here, as if it’s his fault!! Anyway decided to make the best of things, I told the nurses that I know I have to be here for the antibiotic IVS! But Imbetween I WILL BE GOING OUT FOR DINNER! Zig arrived with the new Ralph baseball cap I ordered and large box from Michelle Eyres-Rose!! Soooo thoughtful, everything in it is what a girl needs in hospital, excluding what your all thinking!!! Anyway have been to Trents and had a fab meal, now stuffed and back in my room feeling better and reading one of my pressies from Michelle!! Night, night xx

31 May near Lavant

3 June near Billingshurst
Nothing like a blue bob to cheer you up!! Thanks zig
orig blue bob

5 June near Billingshurst
Dear all, just had results of bone marrow biopsey taken yesterday! Not as bad as they first thought, in as much they thought the chemo had not been strong enough to destroy it! It has broken it down quite a bit, but not enough, am still producing leukemic cells!! Anyway the good news is, they are not going to give me stronger chemo, which could affect my heart! They are going to go again with chemo I have already had, which we know I can handle!!! So I will be residing in St Richards, Chi from Monday for 8 days whoop, whoop!!
PS don’t want to sound ungrateful, but an expression I never want to hear again is ‘take one day at a time!!!’ Lots of love x

9 June – St Richards Fernhurst Centre
Here we go again! After a lovely week at home sunbathing, eating and drinking Pinot blush, I have been bought down to earth with a huge bump! And have cried for most of the morning!!

11 June near Lavant
My lovely sis is coming to visit me today! ♥♥ xxxx

11 June
Been let out!!! — at Woodies BAR

11 June near Lavant
She always wants to borrow my things!!!
sister wig

11 June near Lavant
Have had such a lovely day with my sis!!! Love her!!! I wasn’t quite ready when she got here and it was the first time she properly witnessed the treatment I am going through! Drips, chemo tubes blood etc she looked quite concerned!! But, soon all was forgotten as we raced in her 4×4 to woodies!! For lunch, then we hit the shops, sun out, wig with hat a bit hot and felt a bit dehydrated so as we whisked our way from Russell and Bromley to house of Fraser, I quietly suggested we got a cold drink of which the reply was ‘I just need to look at these watches!!!’ But luckily she quickly realised she was my carer for the day and we sped to boots to purchase cold water! More shopping then back as Jane was feeling tired!!!!!!! As we walked back to my room for a split second it felt like we were coming off the beach and we needed to ask at the nurses station for our room key and Jane’s comment when we opened my door was ‘bugger, I know I booked a twin room!!’ Thanks Jane loved my day xxxxxx

14 June near Lavant
Think I have managed to wangle ‘home leave’ today!!! Fingers crossed, will know by about 10.30!!!

14 June near Lavant
Am off!! Got to be back by 9pm !!! Xxxxxx

16 June near Lavant
Right my dilemma tonight guys is, I am having a blood transfusion and felt very uncomfortable so decided to take my bra off!! But obviously as the line is in my arm I can’t get the bra away, so this is where it’s ended up!!! Also have dropped all my popcorn over the floor, so now a sticky mess, am wondering why the nurses have shut my door!!!
bra off

17 June near Lavant
Going home!!!!!!!
red bob

17 June via iOS
Sooooo happy being home!!! Now going to be quiet, you will all be relieved to know!!!
Blue Bob

17 June near Billingshurst
First day at home and had lovely lunch at Shelly Stewarts, thank you, it always amazes me how you just rustle something up!!! And I loved stroking your bunnies!! (That doesn’t read quite right!)

5 July near Billingshurst
Thankyou Caren Oxlade for the necklace! Love xxxx
blond bob

6 July
New profile picture

9 July near Billingshurst
Hi everyone, you all know how pissed off I was having to go in for another 8 days of chemo!!! Well this time all good! Have just had THE phone call from my consultant! I went in with 30% disease and they got it down to 12% with first chemo and Southampton wouldn’t take me until it was under 10%! Had a biopsy on Monday and it is 2% and no leukemic cells present!!!

9 July near Billingshurst
Very difficult to smile with no hair!! But so look like a Buddhist monk, should be wearing orange with some sort of nappy affair going on!!
no hair

11 July – Nuclear Medicine Dept Southampton General
Am in waiting room waiting to go in for kidney test, just decided to read all the literature I was sent about it 2 weeks ago ‘please do not have any alcohol 24 hours before!’ Whoops! I feel like I am about to go into the head mistresses office and going to have to explain myself!!!

11 July
I think this is my favourite!
favourite wig

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