Today was my routine check at Southampton – and to be fair, I really haven’t been feeling great lately. I seem to have picked up every cold, bug, and sniffle that’s going this winter – even after the flu jab – and each time they have been a pain to get rid of. I know the consultants keep telling me I am still immune-compromised… but I feel fine (usually) and just don’t want to be ill anymore.

Anyway – off we go, and I even said to Zig I must not go and sit with the others – just in case… but when we got there I felt much better and me being me, I just stormed right in!

I desperately wanted to catch up with Stacey, another transplant friend – which I did – Check! Have bloods taken, pressure check etc etc – Check! Everything going as usual – then in to see Kate.

Oh dear – she immediately knew I wasn’t well, apparently I sound terrible – and she was NOT happy. I felt like I had been dragged in front of the headmistress, (and believe me I know how that feels). She put on gloves, mask, and plastic apron then gave me a proper dressing down. I know it’s precaution, and I know they are not worried about me – but for the other patients who are only recently out of the procedure.

When it all hit home how irresponsible I had been, and how thoughtless, I felt awful! I left Kate’s room red in the face, very embarrassed, and didn’t know whether to run away or say sorry to everyone.

I haven’t been here before either – and every experience is a new one. When you feel better you think it’s all over, and when you know other transplant patients are out at the supermarket or dealing with small children flinging germs all over the place – you can forget when it comes to the crunch.

So there’s me – feeling awful – both physically (for me) and mentally (for everyone else), and Kate realises that I am sad about my thoughtlessness – but reminds me I am not out of the woods yet! This is going on far too long for my liking!

So much for my routine check – I am then told one of my lungs isn’t as strong as it used to be (“not to worry though it’s fine”), and I get shipped off for a chest X-Ray and a sinus X-Ray. (The radiographer won’t do the sinus one).

I am put back on horse size antibiotics and told that if it’s not better in a couple of weeks they will do a Sinus Cat Scan to make sure there’s no fluid causing repeat infections through sinusitis!!

So… that’s me. 18 months out from transplant and still not quite better. It seems it was never quite as simple as I had led myself to believe – but we must be on the up as Kate is even talking about redoing the childhood vaccinations!!

Sorry again to everyone who was in clinic today – see you all soon! xx